Sad

Right now I am sad. But that is OK. I just have to think about all those things I wrote about that make me happy. Actually, fuck that. I'm going to think about some new things that make me happy.

1. I like when other people besides me have permanent eye shadow around their eyes.

2. I like tubing on the Russian River. And the Farmington River. But, more recently, the Russian River.

3. I like the Tut Cuvee from Iron Horse Vineyards, especially when sampling it with friends who are happy to be alive.

4. I like this glass of wine I'm drinking.

5. I like this boy.

5. I like being a good baker.

6. I'm going to Ikea this week to get the final touches for me new apartment, like shelves for the bathroom.

7. I like when people at my Berkeley orientation say 'Tele-Bears' because, even though I know they mean the online class registration thingy, I imagine all these little teddy bears with TVs on their bellies dancing around.

8. I like when babies are dressed as animals. Watch out, Tatiana. Your daughter won't be safe!!! I'll make her a Tele-Bear!!!

9. I like that it's OK to be sad sometimes.

Goodnight all.

Hapiness is Fleeting Like the Fox

Whenever I am sad or stressed, I fantasize about the things that would make me happy. I envision everything from a perfect glass of wine to a Pegasus coming to take me away. I imagine meeting a genie straight from the bottle and I picture Romeo whisking me off my feet, except he's not fifteen and he's Jewish. Eventually, something changes and I am happy again. Either the heartbreak mellows, the finals are over or I am flying on a magic carpet. But, and herein lies the problem, I am not relishing it!

No! My messed up wiring has me thinking about what could go wrong to ruin everything EVEN WHEN I AM SUPER FUCKING HAPPY. What is wrong with me? It's like my Jewish guilt won't let me be happy. Why Jewish guilt specifically? Well, because I'm Jewish and it would be strange if I was suffering Catholic guilt. Plus, as my former roommate pointed out, I might be a little neurotic, which really pissed me off until I looked up the definition of 'neurotic' online. Then I got scared and a little paranoid that everyone I know is only being friends with me out of pity for the crazy girl. But then I calmed down because I realized I was just being neurotic.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am happy right now, even though that could change at any moment, I'm not going to waste my time thinking about that and instead focus on the positive things. Here's a list of why I'm happy right this second:

1. I have my very own apartment
2. I live in a wicked awesome, famous, and wacky city.
3. My friends are super great.
4. My hair is finally at a length that attracts boys, instead of just girls.
5. You are reading my blog (shout-out to my seven followers).
6. I am going to BERKELEY!!!!

What makes you happy? I'd love to hear! Because that would probably make me happy, too.

Smile Like You Mean It

Sometimes I stare at my face and try to determine where the wrinkles will come in. I started doing this a few years ago, and I realized that I was getting some above my lips (from smoking cigarettes - bad), between my eyes (from furrowing my brow unhappily at other New Yorkers on the street) and above my eyebrows (from showcasing my amazing control of eyebrow motion).

It was like I was looking at my future, but what lie ahead wasn't written in stone...just etched lightly in human flesh. I decided then and there to take a hold of my own destiny. I stopped smoking (the battle continues - it always will), I stopped frowning (unless I have a very good reason). And I made more eyebrow movements than ever before (because I liked those wrinkles). AND I began smiling more (because I would rather laugh lines than frown lines).

Smiling is the best part of this. Ok, maybe quitting smoking is the best part because I won't die as young, but smiling is pretty great, too. It's contagious. And I have really good teeth. And it turns out I'm not alone.

I met a guy at a potluck the other night, and he has launched something wonderful called The Great Smile Project. Basically it is hundreds of pictures of people, and none of them are smiling, until you roll your mouse over them - then, their face lights up and they beam at you. It's a very nice experience. Here are some of my favorite smiles:







Don't you feel better already? I do! And the best part of The Great Smile Project? They are recruiting smiles now! Word on the street is that they want to try to get one billion smiles. That is so much happiness. I can hardly wait!

My smile should be up there soon, and yours should be, too. Because, if you are reading this, then I probably like you, and I want to see how good you look when you smile. Also, if I hate you, then maybe I will hate you a little less when you are smiling.