They Call Them 'Crushes' Because They Hurt
Crushes: I hate to love them. I can't chose who I'm crushing on, when or for how long. It's not a matter of race, class, religion or even gender. There are girl crushes, friend crushes and unrequited crushes. Food crushes, dog crushes and then there is always Orange Crush. I wish I could banish crushes from my mind altogether, but it's impossible. I can't go all Eternal Sunshine on every person I have ever had a crush on. Because then I wouldn't know the greatness President Obama or Jon Bon Jovi. Or sushi. Or Burt's Bees chapstick. Chances are, if we have had a meaningful conversation or have seen each other in-person or in photos, that I've had a crush on you.
Today, for instance, I had a crush on Justin Bieber. For five entire minutes. What is that all about? And the worst part is that my crush was not brought on my his music, character or even him. My crush was brought on by this blog: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I'm glad that phase of my life is over.
Last night I had a crush on this Etsy store. And right now I have a crush on the guy who made my sandwich at the deli today. Sometimes, on occasion, I will get a crush on someone or something, and then we fall in love and magic happens.
For instance, these curtains:
These hair products:
This friend:
But sometimes a crush is ill-fated from the get-go. And it can be so embarrassing and a little bit devastating. I'm working on a doozy right now. On paper, my crush looks great. In person, too. He's my age, motivated and very good at what he does. He's handsome, but not intimidatingly so. He's mixed-ethnicity, so our babies would be super pretty and he's got a great job that pays well. And, yes, he had that whole marijuana scandal thing, but we live in San Francisco - if you inhale on a windy day here, you're smoking pot. And, no, he doesn't exactly know who I am, but that has never stopped me before. The problem is...sigh...he bats for the wrong team - the San Francisco Giants, that is.
I give you Tim Lincecum:
Today, for instance, I had a crush on Justin Bieber. For five entire minutes. What is that all about? And the worst part is that my crush was not brought on my his music, character or even him. My crush was brought on by this blog: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I'm glad that phase of my life is over.
Last night I had a crush on this Etsy store. And right now I have a crush on the guy who made my sandwich at the deli today. Sometimes, on occasion, I will get a crush on someone or something, and then we fall in love and magic happens.
For instance, these curtains:
These hair products:
This friend:
But sometimes a crush is ill-fated from the get-go. And it can be so embarrassing and a little bit devastating. I'm working on a doozy right now. On paper, my crush looks great. In person, too. He's my age, motivated and very good at what he does. He's handsome, but not intimidatingly so. He's mixed-ethnicity, so our babies would be super pretty and he's got a great job that pays well. And, yes, he had that whole marijuana scandal thing, but we live in San Francisco - if you inhale on a windy day here, you're smoking pot. And, no, he doesn't exactly know who I am, but that has never stopped me before. The problem is...sigh...he bats for the wrong team - the San Francisco Giants, that is.
I give you Tim Lincecum:
And he likes dogs. Be still, my beating heart.
Please don't tell Jose Reyes or the rest of the New York Mets.
posted by Melanie Kameko at
4:01 PM
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