I'm A Very Kinky Girl

Well, I'm not a very kinky girl by San Francisco standards, but at least my hair maintains it's kink. Oooooh. That's funny 'cause my hair is mega curly. Annnnnyway...

There are some great mysteries of this wacky city. For instance, why is Bay to Breakers allowed? How come people can shoot crack into their veins on the street without getting in trouble? And why do so many people keep the fur on their bikes after Burning Man? It rains like 75% of time time people! Plus, you look like an ass.

And then, sometimes, I pass this place:



Looks official, right? Just a giant-ass building plopped in the middle of The Mission. Well, it turns out, as per their official website, that it is an old armory. Built as a replica of an old Moorish castle in 1914, it was used by the National Guard until 1976. And then the shenanigans started. It won't tell you on their site, but a large portion of this massive building is rented out to Kink.com. And don't click on that link if you are at work because it is not a hair salon for the spirally gifted. IT'S A PORN STUDIO. And not a regular, tame, consensual porn studio, but a FETISH PORN STUDIO.

Can you imagine the awe and wonder that wash over me every time I pass it? I can't help ponder what wild fantasies are happening mere feet from where I stand. Is someone in a leather swing? Are they getting their hair pulled? Do they have a bikini waxer onsite? What do the shoes look like? It kills me that I will never know. Or so I thought.

Mission Mission recently made me aware of the fact that Kink.com just started offering FREE tours of the Armory! WTF!?!?! We can actually GO INSIDE! That's amazing. It's like seeing where magic comes from - magic, in this case, being porn. This guy from SF with an awesome Tumblr blog called The Tens recently went on one of these amazing tours with his whole office. I wonder what that office does? Maybe makes dog collars with ball gags attached? Anyway, check out these (mostly) safe for work pics from that tour:



What do you think it looks like in there? I mean, I'm generally impressed with a bidet, but I'll bet the buttsink in there is INSANE. And then there is this one:



According to The Tens, this is where ladies go to wrestle and the loser gets...punished. And all us creepy voyeurs can pay to watch the fun online. What do you think the lady wrestlers wear? I'm imagining lots of sparkles. Crotchless sparkles.

The only bummer is that all the tickets are sold out until an undetermined date. But you know I will be refreshing that screen until I get a pair of tickets. And then one of the great mysteries of San Francisco will be solved. Now if only I can figure out why all those people on segways in Fisherman's Wharf do not realize how stupid they look...