Pillow Talk
Once upon a time, when I was about eight years old, my birth father and I took a long trip abroad to England, Scotland and Wales. I have a sketchy memory of the trip, but I have never been able to forget seeing The Starlight Express, a musical roller skating fantasy experience with questionable costume choices that made my young mind question the male anatomy - but that's another blog post.
Something else I remember from this trip is seeing a seller in a train station, hawking blankets. Except instead of yelling, 'Blankets for sale! Blankets for sale!' he was yelling, 'Duves for sale! Duves for sale!' My last name being 'Duve' and my residence being podunky Connecticut, I had never heard the term before. We couldn't stop, as we were in a rush, and my father wasn't concerned at all, but I was scarred for life because some wacky English guy was clearly SELLING MY FAMILY. I eyed my preoccupied father with disdain - I had always thought my parents would be more worried if this ever happened.
Of course, for the rest of the trip, I watched every corner for another shady character. The jolliness of the English accent, once so charming, was now a clear harbinger of doom. Every time someone said, 'Bloody Hell,' I knew what they meant - they were clearly referring to real human blood. And forget about strangers telling my father what a beautiful daughter he had! I would shrink back behind his big man dad legs, and hide my beauty from the funny talking Duve sellers. They just wanted to grab me, and then turn a profit on my porcelain skin - I knew it. Did I ever think to ask my Dad about this? Nope, just lived in terror for a little while, until I got home and eventually cleared up the situation.
But...it's finally happened. When I definitely wasn't Googling my own name this afternoon, I found (tap feet on floor for simulated drum roll) THE MELANIE DUVET SET:
Kinda anti-climactic, eh? After twenty-seven years of anticipation, I was kind of hoping for something super amazing. Like this Chinoiserie Duvet set from DwellStudio:
I feel like it's not asking too much to have Dwell change the name from the 'Chinoiserie Duvet' to the 'Melanie Duve.' And, yes, they should leave off that worthless 'T.' What does 'chinoiserie' even mean? Hang on. I'm gonna go look it up.
Ok, so I just ate an apple. And then checked to see if my laundry was dry yet. It's not. Which made me sad, so I washed four dishes. And now, I'm back. But with bad news. Chinoiserie means 'a style reflecting Chinese art.' That's bullcrap. Chinese art looks like this lady:
Ok, to be honest, I had to search for awhile to find that one because all the first images that Google spat out kinda looked like that duvet. So, I guess I understand why they chose the name, but I stand by my petition the change it. I bet that they would sell so many more bedcovers if they just made that one small, inexpensive change. I mean, there's what, three of you reading this? And, obviously you would all want your very own Melanie Duve to snuggle with every night. Except my brother. That's gross. But don't worry, brother, I've thought of this already.
Behold, the 'Ryan Duve Cover!'
It's funny because my brother is a scientist.
Wait, what was I writing about?
I'm going to the gym.
Wheeee!
Something else I remember from this trip is seeing a seller in a train station, hawking blankets. Except instead of yelling, 'Blankets for sale! Blankets for sale!' he was yelling, 'Duves for sale! Duves for sale!' My last name being 'Duve' and my residence being podunky Connecticut, I had never heard the term before. We couldn't stop, as we were in a rush, and my father wasn't concerned at all, but I was scarred for life because some wacky English guy was clearly SELLING MY FAMILY. I eyed my preoccupied father with disdain - I had always thought my parents would be more worried if this ever happened.
Of course, for the rest of the trip, I watched every corner for another shady character. The jolliness of the English accent, once so charming, was now a clear harbinger of doom. Every time someone said, 'Bloody Hell,' I knew what they meant - they were clearly referring to real human blood. And forget about strangers telling my father what a beautiful daughter he had! I would shrink back behind his big man dad legs, and hide my beauty from the funny talking Duve sellers. They just wanted to grab me, and then turn a profit on my porcelain skin - I knew it. Did I ever think to ask my Dad about this? Nope, just lived in terror for a little while, until I got home and eventually cleared up the situation.
But...it's finally happened. When I definitely wasn't Googling my own name this afternoon, I found (tap feet on floor for simulated drum roll) THE MELANIE DUVET SET:
Kinda anti-climactic, eh? After twenty-seven years of anticipation, I was kind of hoping for something super amazing. Like this Chinoiserie Duvet set from DwellStudio:
I feel like it's not asking too much to have Dwell change the name from the 'Chinoiserie Duvet' to the 'Melanie Duve.' And, yes, they should leave off that worthless 'T.' What does 'chinoiserie' even mean? Hang on. I'm gonna go look it up.
Ok, so I just ate an apple. And then checked to see if my laundry was dry yet. It's not. Which made me sad, so I washed four dishes. And now, I'm back. But with bad news. Chinoiserie means 'a style reflecting Chinese art.' That's bullcrap. Chinese art looks like this lady:
Ok, to be honest, I had to search for awhile to find that one because all the first images that Google spat out kinda looked like that duvet. So, I guess I understand why they chose the name, but I stand by my petition the change it. I bet that they would sell so many more bedcovers if they just made that one small, inexpensive change. I mean, there's what, three of you reading this? And, obviously you would all want your very own Melanie Duve to snuggle with every night. Except my brother. That's gross. But don't worry, brother, I've thought of this already.
Behold, the 'Ryan Duve Cover!'
It's funny because my brother is a scientist.
Wait, what was I writing about?
I'm going to the gym.
Wheeee!
posted by Melanie Kameko at
6:27 PM
1 Comments:
Your sense of humor is fantastic. Arent you lucky to be a Duve/t?
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