The Secret Life of Girls

You know what girls do? We dress up. And then we talk about it. And, sometimes, we talk about getting dressed while we are doing it at separate locations even though we are going to see each other in less than an hour. And there is a very good reason for this.

The other evening I was getting ready to go out with two girlfriends. We were heading to the birthday party of a new friend, and we weren't really going to know anyone else there. So, naturally, I was a little nervous about what to wear. The people at the party didn't know me, and they weren't going to know how fun and smart I am, or that I'm really good at baking. All those people were going to know about me was what I was wearing, and that had to be awesome. Because I am awesome and I have a serious moral dilemma with false advertisement.

So what's the awesomest thing about me that I want to capitalize to these strangers who could potentially be movie directors and then cast me in a heart wrenching biopic about an anorexic figure skater with an abusive husband and an addiction to shopping? I couldn't decide. After I had thrown everything I own on my bed, and was in a state of panic while tightly clutching a pair of gray cords in one hand and a sequined gown in the other, I texted one of my friends.

Sweating from the hugeness of it all, I feverishly bashed my qwerty keyboard. 'What are you wearing?' I asked her, hoping to sound nonchalant. Sometimes when I ask boys I'm dating what they are wearing, they look at me like I'm crazy, but they just don't understand that we have to match, but not matchy match, because if that director is at that bar, then he will never cast me if I am wearing a plaid tunic and my friends are in cocktail attire because it clearly means I don't pick up on social cues, and who wants to spend six months filming a life changing movie that will make Precious look like a wimp with a star who DOESN'T UNDERSTAND SOCIAL CUES.

Luckily, my friend understood precisely what the issues were, and she texted me back exactly what she was wearing:



And then, before I could begin to freak out over the great jeans vs. skirt conundrum:



A calming sense of relief emanated out of my junky ass tiny screen phone. Not only was I reminded that my friends are very attractive, but I could also confidently slide some Frye boots over my skinny cords and throw on a cowl neck sweater. I texted back, just to give her the 'thumbs up:'



(Note: The emotion of my face is a combination of joy and avoiding a catastrophic career move with my fast thinking and fashion savvy).

When my phone beeped again, a sharp alert darted through me. Had she changed her mind? Was she wearing something else? Did she not read the 'going to a kinda-friend's birthday party where you don't know anyone and one of you might become famous forever based on what you wear' clause in the girl code? Or was she...flipping me off?



I turned the screen sideways, and then upside down, genuinely perplexed. At least she hadn't changed her outfit. My phone beeped again:

'I was trying to say THANK YOU in sign language.'

I had totally forgotten she was bilingual.

My phone beeped once more. It was from my other girlfriend, and I could read the panic between the lines:

'What are you wearing?'